ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
