My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
