i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
