So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
