Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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