# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
