So drunk its hurt
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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