how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need a beard to bite.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
