I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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