and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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