when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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