I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
