I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
