The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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