Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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