My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
