a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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