Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
