you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize