The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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