Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
