is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
