I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize