make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
