i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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