You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
