Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
