I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
