We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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