Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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