You work out of a Hotel?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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