ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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