I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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