Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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