I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
