do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
