There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This house was built for laser tag.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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