So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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