what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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