Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
