I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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