matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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