Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
being pregnant is like rehab
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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