Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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