I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
