Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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