Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
