just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
