I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
