the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
