someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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