I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
