I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
