I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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