I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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