my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
