If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
NoShamevember. You game?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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