TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That accounts for only three of the penises
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He has the fingertips of a God
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
