Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
