I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
