He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
