4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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