If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
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