The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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