Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
