So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
