Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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